Um, bro, can you explain to me how I got here? I'm totally cool hanging upside down like this - total head rush - but I just need to know what happened. Here's what I remember...

Last night we went to a bar that was way too cool for us to get into, but it was a Tuesday so the bouncer let us in. I was at the bar and couldn't get the bar dude's attention to save my life. It was really embarrassing, because there was this hot tree right next to me, you know. She was tall and her needles were the color of the sun. And her ornaments were like out to there. It was a stupid thing to do to impress her, but I reached over the bar and grabbed two bottles of Miracle Grow, gave one to her. And... And then what happened?

Bro: You bombed, dude. You totally bombed. You were talking to her, stupid stuff, like how you just wanted to find a nice family to spend the rest of your Christmases with, how your clear lights are so shiny and light up a room, how you're seven feet tall and so many presents could fit underneath you if you were upside down. Then you decided to show her - and we can't get you down. Looks like you're there to stay, bro.

Cool. What happened to the girl?

Bro: She left with her really hot sister.

Did I take her number?

Bro: I think you're in her phone somehow. Dude, if she wants to see you again, she'll find a way, right?