Man, oh man. Look at me! Not a reindeer anymore; now I'm a Christmas tree. I've spent the last seven days as a Christmas tree, and it takes some getting used to. Clarice, the old ball and chain, screamed and fainted when she first saw me, but she's coming around. The kids think it's funny, and I've see Donner eyeing me, and I know he's thinking that if I don't change back in time for Christmas, he'll be heading The Reindeer Lineup this year. Well, he can have it, because Santa has bigger plans for me.

Insomnia had gotten the better of me last Thursday night, and I was bored. I knew Santa was working in his secret lab, and even though the "Keep Out" sign was lit, I walked right through the door and into a puddle of something red and gooey that had spilt onto the floor. Before Santa could say, "Holy Christmas!", I had changed into a Christmas tree! A matte red color with all red lights.

"It works! It really works!" Santa shouted.

"You better change me back, Old Man," I countered, but Santa had other ideas.

Apparently, Santa is trying to create an army of artificial Christmas trees in order to take over the artificial Christmas tree market in North America. Apparently it's a really big business. My job is to pose as a Christmas tree, infiltrate the offices of some of the leading artificial Christmas tree retailers, and report back to Santa.

But, um, I got caught. At Treetopia. And they've replicated me and my cheerful red color into three height options, including a slim version. Which is a little insulting. I may have put on a few pounds over the years, but I can still fly. Well, maybe not now as I'm a Christmas tree. I wonder if I'll ever get back to the North Pole?