Psh, you don’t need a description – you know exactly who I am. Like you have anything better to do than read my People magazine spread in between incessant scans for new Tweets from yours truly. It’s okay, I understand: I am staggeringly talented and my tinsel is irresistible.

I don’t care if you think I’m imperious (I bet you don’t even know what that means). With me, you won’t ever have to take down your Christmas tree. My electric color pops while my branches gracefully embrace envious gazes. Look, honey, having me in your home only distinguishes yourself as the unique few who are able to delicately couple impassioned Christmas spirit with a resolute demonstration of what excellence can produce.

DISCLAIMER: if you purchase a Dazzling Diva tinsel tree, make sure to make her the feature of your home. A true diva will do anything to get what she wants, and these (are convinced they) deserve the best.

Who is this Pink Dazzling Diva Tinsel Tree?

Nu-uh, Mr. Interviewer Man, you did NOT say I was “just another pink tree”! If I had fingers, I would be snapping them all over your face right now! I am the Pink Dazzling Diva Tinsel Tree, and I am nothing like those other wannabes. You see how sassy my color is? It’s enough to make a grown man blush!

Besides, I don’t just stand there like any other tree. No sir, I strut around and BANG! Superstar-pose! I take your ornaments and work them like a supermodel. Tyra wishes she was as fierce as me.

…What do you mean you’re already recording? Oh. NO!