Announcer Mario: "Hello everyone, thank you for tuning into the Bringin' Sexy Pageant, the only competition where artificial Christmas trees compete to see which tree is the best at Bringin' Sexy back to Christmas. The first runner up will be performing a hit song with an international pop superstar on live TV.
We're moving into the talent portion of the show, and first up is the Black Christmas tree. Previously, we loved her chat with the judges, where she advocated equal treatment for wreaths and garlands in store windows. We enjoyed the decor competition, and how her pre-strung clear lights showcased a daring combination of jewel tone and pastel ornaments. At seven feet tall, she is also the tallest and slimmest tree in the competition. And as everyone knows, super slim is super sexy.
So here she is, singing her rendition of a famous song… Ms. Black!"
Ms. Black takes the mic: "Thank you, Mario. You are lookin' mighty fine tonight. I want to sing you all a little song about what it's like to be a tall, slim black tree. Hear that base bumpin'? That's nice. Here we go.
I am Bringin' Sexy Black.
You other trees you don't know how to act.
Watch my moves should I watch my back?
Get behind me girls pick up my slack.
(What's da problem?)
As a babe
It's really easy to get a date
But fallin' in love is so hard you see
When you're a tall black Christmas tree
(here's ma problem)
Men look at me
They see a novelty
Lookin' good on their arms
Diggin' my charms
I may be seven feet tall
With clear lights and all
A liberated tree
But love me for me.
I am Bringin' Sexy Black!
Announcer Mario: "There you have it folks. She's tall, super skinny, super sexy, and super Black. We have our winner… Ms. Black is officially Bringin' Sexy Black!"