I'm the Berry Nice Potted Pine Tree, and I really want to be with you for Christmas! I'm berry –I mean, very nice. I'm still a bit young – you can tell that because I'm only 4.5' tall and I come in a pretty pot that goes with your pretty decor.
I wasn't always berry nice. Up until a few years ago, I used to be berry bad – That's what my mom used to say. "Justin! You're so berry bad!" So she'd put me in the corner so I could think about what I'd done. Turned out that I liked standing in the corner! Ha ha MOM! I got to see what everyone was doing, and I complemented the country style decor of our home so well, that my mom would let me stay there for hours.
You know where else I like to stand? In foyers, hallways, next to the door, in any small space! Put me next to a mirror, and it looks like you have two trees. Two Berry Nice potted trees for the price of one! Double the lights, double the decorations. If you've got a big ol' bathroom, I'm really nice there. People like to enter the bathroom and see a Christmas tree. They just don't like it when they're in the bathroom and then the Christmas tree comes in after them.
Yeah. In the interest of full disclosure: I had a job at a country club once decorating the bathroom, and I had to use the bathroom, only I was assigned to the ladies' room, so I went to the men's john, and when I returned to my post there was a lady in there and she screamed. Then the manager was like, "Where were you", and I was like, "I had to go to the bathroom", and he said, "But you were in a bathroom", and I said, "Yeah, but I'm not gonna use a girl's toilet, that's gross", and then he's like, "Well, aren't you a girl?" and I was like, "NO". I get that a lot. It's because I've got such pretty needles. So they fired me, which is why I'm here looking to be your Christmas tree.
I've gotta be someone's Christmas tree; that's the point of being a Christmas tree! So, I promise that I won't sneak into the bathroom after you, and that I'll look very handsome standing in your foyer. All your friends will come in and say, "Where did you get that handsome tree!" And then they'll come over and pet me and it'll be awesome. Awesome for you, because you have such great taste in picking out such an amazing tree like me. So come oooooon, pick me. You like my berries and pinecones, my twinkling lights. You know how good I'll look wherever you put me. And I'll stay put, I promise.